A Note About How to Listen during Prayer in Daily Life

In section 22 of the Spiritual Exercises (the “presupposition”), St. Ignatius writes the following: “in order that the one giving the Exercises and the one receiving them, may help and benefit themselves, let it be presupposed that every good [spiritual person] is to be more ready to justify than to condemn what another says or writes. If he cannot justify it, he should inquire how he means it; and if he means it badly, then let him correct him with charity. If that is not enough, let him seek all the suitable means to understand the statement in the best possible sense.”

This paragraph helps us to focus on the positive during the prayer period and to avoid theological and political debate. Theological and political debate are fine outside of the context of the Exercises, but it disrupts the necessary trust between director and exercitant and among the fellowship groups making the retreat together. In the case of a group of people journeying through our Prayer in Daily Life together without a “director,” as you are sharing your prayer experience with each other, be more willing to justify than to condemn what each person says. The same is true for pairs of trusted friends who are making the retreat.

I find it helpful to consider the advice of Kay Lindahl in her book The Sacred Art of Listening. She writes that

Listening is a creative force. Something quite wonderful occurs when we are listened to fully. We expand, ideas come to life and grow, we remember who we are. Some speak of this force as a creative fountain within us that springs forth; others call it the inner spirit, intelligence, true self. Whatever this force is called, it shrivels up when we are not listened to and it thrives when we are.

The way we listen can actually allow the other person to bring forth what is true and alive to them. . . .

Listening well takes time, skill, and a readiness to slow down, to let go of expectations, judgments, boredom, self-assertiveness, defensiveness. I’ve noticed that when people experience the depth of being listened to like this, they also begin to listen to others in the same way. (11-12)

Later in the book, Lindahl suggests that we learn to listen to understand, rather than to listen to agree or disagree. When you are involved in some kind of political debate, you are listening to find a flaw in the other’s argument or you are listening to find “common ground.” In the context of the Exercises, you are not listening to agree or disagree with another. You are listening to understand the other, hoping to help the other hear herself or himself so that we might better understand how the Spirit of God is at work in our thoughts and feelings. According to Lindahl, “one important guideline of dialogue is listening to understand, not to agree with or believe. I do not have to agree with or believe what another person is saying in order to come to a new understanding of their experience” (50).